i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
