what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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