I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
