Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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