Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
high people should be assigned attendants
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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