Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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