her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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