I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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