When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
