I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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