i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
