i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
