You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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