I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
