mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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