Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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