It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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