Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
