I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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