sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
