Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So squirting runs in the family.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
