I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
