I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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