Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
