Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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