I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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