Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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