thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
