oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
