forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
