To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
