Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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