It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
