one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
