How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
