I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
