you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
