Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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