from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
