I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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