last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
