Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
