At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
