Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think my moral compass just broke
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
