Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
