I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
