Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
