I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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