Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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