Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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