This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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