When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
A bitchslap is in order.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
