I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize