why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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