4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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