he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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