We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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