Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
