We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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