Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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