I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
