So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
