He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
