look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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