She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
