I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
