You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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