I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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